Computer Terms for Aroostook County

Log on - Make the wood stove hotter
Log off - Don't add no more wood
Monitor - Keep an eye on that wood stove
Download - Getting the firewood off the truck
Floppy disk - What you get from downloading too much firewood
Ram - The thing that splits the firewood
Hard Drive - Getting home in the winter
Prompt - What the US mail ain't in the winter
Window - What to shut when its cold outside
Screen - What to shut in black fly season
Byte - What the black flies do
Bit - What the black flies did
Mega Byte - What the BIG black flies do during trout season
Chip - Munchies for TV
Micro Chip - What's left in the bag after you eat chips
Modem - What you did to the weeds growing in the driveway
Dot matrix - Old Dan Matrix's wife
Lap top - Where the beer spills when you nod off
Software - The dumb plastic knives and forks at McDonalds
Hardware - Real stainless steel cutlery
Mouse - What makes the holes in the Cheerio box
Main frame - What holds the house up, hopefully
Enter - The only way to win those magazine sweepstakes
Web - What a spider makes
Web site - High corners of the ceiling
Cursor - Someone who swears
Search Engine - What you do when the car dies
Screen Saver - repair kit for the torn window screen on the camp
Home Page - map you keep in your back pocket in case you get lost in the woods
Upgrade - Steep hill
Server - waitress
Mail Server - male waitress. Darn few in Maine
MS DOS - Some new disease they discovered
Sound Card - One of them technological birthday cards that plays music when you open it
User - The neighbor who keeps borrowing your stuff
Browser - A problem moose in the Garden or Blueberry patch
Network - Mending holes in the gillnet
Internet - Complicated fish net repair
Netscape - What haddock do when you don't do your network
Online - good sign there'll be clean clothes this week
Off line - the clothes pins let go and the laundry falls on the ground -better luck next week