Ten hilarious one liners jokes for kids

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
 
We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
 
Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
 
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
 
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
 
Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.

I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.
 
I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch.
 
I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.